Table of Contents
1. Introduction
2. Premature Ejaculation Q&A
3. How Ejaculation Works
4. How Do I Learn
5. The Role of Anxiety
6. Have a Fantastic Sex Life
7. The Sexual Response Cycle
8. Solo Exercises
9. Partner Exercises
10. For The Partners
11. Summary
__________________________________________________
Chapter One Introduction
I would like to begin by telling you how this book took shape as an idea and how it has come to take its present form.
This is a revision of a book I first published in 1978. The changes I have made are the result of the lessons I have learned in thirty years of full-time practice as a sex therapist.
Having spent thousands of hours, helping men to overcome the problem of premature ejaculation I came to realize that given the proper information most men can resolve the problem themselves. In the vast majority of cases, the solution to the problem lies not in lengthy and costly psychotherapy, but simply, in unlearning some incorrect beliefs and learning some accurate information and techniques.
Let’s make it simple. Five facts tell the story.
Fact 1 - Premature ejaculation is not a disease. There is nothing "wrong" with you.
Fact 2 - No man is born with the ability to control ejaculation.
Fact 3 - Ejaculation is an automatic reflex response just like urination.
Fact 4 - Learning to develop control means learning to control that response.
Fact 5 - Any man who has been able control urination (has been toilet -trained) as a child can learn to control ejaculation.
Sound too simple? Take my word for it, and this comes from forty years of practice, it is that simple!
"Simple" does not necessarily mean easy. It takes practice and it takes time. If you are prepared to make the commitment, you can learn to delay ejaculation for as long as you want.
I decided to make this information available to as many men as possible. So, rather than writing a lengthy book full of historical data, statistics, anatomy, physiology, psychology and entertaining clinical examples, I have chosen to present, in the least complicated way, only that information, necessary to understand the process of ejaculation and the step-by-step instructions for learning control.
I need to add that throughout the following pages, I will be referring to partners as women. That is purely for convenience. Everything I say is equally true for male partners.
______________________________________________________
1. Introduction
2. Premature Ejaculation Q&A
3. How Ejaculation Works
4. How Do I Learn
5. The Role of Anxiety
6. Have a Fantastic Sex Life
7. The Sexual Response Cycle
8. Solo Exercises
9. Partner Exercises
10. For The Partners
11. Summary
__________________________________________________
Chapter One Introduction
I would like to begin by telling you how this book took shape as an idea and how it has come to take its present form.
This is a revision of a book I first published in 1978. The changes I have made are the result of the lessons I have learned in thirty years of full-time practice as a sex therapist.
Having spent thousands of hours, helping men to overcome the problem of premature ejaculation I came to realize that given the proper information most men can resolve the problem themselves. In the vast majority of cases, the solution to the problem lies not in lengthy and costly psychotherapy, but simply, in unlearning some incorrect beliefs and learning some accurate information and techniques.
Let’s make it simple. Five facts tell the story.
Fact 1 - Premature ejaculation is not a disease. There is nothing "wrong" with you.
Fact 2 - No man is born with the ability to control ejaculation.
Fact 3 - Ejaculation is an automatic reflex response just like urination.
Fact 4 - Learning to develop control means learning to control that response.
Fact 5 - Any man who has been able control urination (has been toilet -trained) as a child can learn to control ejaculation.
Sound too simple? Take my word for it, and this comes from forty years of practice, it is that simple!
"Simple" does not necessarily mean easy. It takes practice and it takes time. If you are prepared to make the commitment, you can learn to delay ejaculation for as long as you want.
I decided to make this information available to as many men as possible. So, rather than writing a lengthy book full of historical data, statistics, anatomy, physiology, psychology and entertaining clinical examples, I have chosen to present, in the least complicated way, only that information, necessary to understand the process of ejaculation and the step-by-step instructions for learning control.
I need to add that throughout the following pages, I will be referring to partners as women. That is purely for convenience. Everything I say is equally true for male partners.
______________________________________________________
Chapter Three How Ejaculation Works
Ejaculation is the result of muscles in the penis contracting rhythmically, which forces the semen out. Contraction of these muscles are triggered by a reflex. To better understand the things you need to learn to control this reflex, you have to understand how it works.
A reflex is defined as "an involuntary response to a stimulus". Which means that when a stimulus is applied to the body, it responds automatically. You do not have to think about it to make it happen. There are three parts to any reflex. First some sort of stimulus is applied to the body, which causes a message to be sent along the nerves to the spine. Second, the message is relayed in the spine. Third, a message is sent back to muscles, which respond. The brain is not involved in this process. It operates at a spinal level.
The most commonly known reflex is probably the "knee jerk". If you have not experienced it yourself in your doctor's office, you have probably seen it on television or in a movie.
The doctor has you sit on the edge of his examining table so that your lower legs are dangling over the edge. He then hits below your kneecap with a small rubber hammer, causing your lower leg to jerk upward.
In this case, the stimulus is hitting the knee and the response is caused by muscles in the leg contracting. With ejaculation, the stimulus is, sexual stimulation. Sufficient stimulation will trigger the muscles in the penis to contract and ejaculation occurs.
Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately it is not!
As I mentioned, the brain is not involved in a reflex. However, the brain can take over control of any reflex and prevent it from working correctly.
Let us go back to the knee jerk to see how this happens. When the doctor hits your knee, if you are not thinking about what is supposed to occur, every time he hits your knee, your leg will jump. You do not have to make it work, it is automatic. If however, you start to watch to see if it is going to work properly, there is a good chance your leg will not jump. Why? Because the reflex is no longer operating at the spinal level. Your brain has taken over control. You are not trying to stop it from happening, you are simply observing to see if it is going to work the way it should..
Breathing is another good example. If you are not paying attention to your breathing, you do not have to think about when to inhale and when to exhale. It happens automatically. But, what happens when a doctor puts a stethoscope on your chest and tells you to breathe normally? You start thinking about breathing normally, and of course, you can't.
So, once the brain takes over control of a reflex, it will not work properly. In some cases, the reflex does not work as with the knee jerk. In other cases, as with P.E., the reflex can be triggered before you would like it to be.
With P.E., there is one further complicating factor. Anxiety can also act as a stimulus to trigger ejaculation. It is almost inevitable that once you identify P.E. as a problem, you will approach sex worrying about whether it will happen this time. That means you are in your head, watching and worrying. That means you have two strikes against you.
Your brain is controlling the reflex and your anxiety is adding to the stimulation. When these factors are operating, you are virtually guaranteed to fail.
The pages to follow will guide you through a series of exercises designed to eliminate these factors.
______________________________________________________
Ejaculation is the result of muscles in the penis contracting rhythmically, which forces the semen out. Contraction of these muscles are triggered by a reflex. To better understand the things you need to learn to control this reflex, you have to understand how it works.
A reflex is defined as "an involuntary response to a stimulus". Which means that when a stimulus is applied to the body, it responds automatically. You do not have to think about it to make it happen. There are three parts to any reflex. First some sort of stimulus is applied to the body, which causes a message to be sent along the nerves to the spine. Second, the message is relayed in the spine. Third, a message is sent back to muscles, which respond. The brain is not involved in this process. It operates at a spinal level.
The most commonly known reflex is probably the "knee jerk". If you have not experienced it yourself in your doctor's office, you have probably seen it on television or in a movie.
The doctor has you sit on the edge of his examining table so that your lower legs are dangling over the edge. He then hits below your kneecap with a small rubber hammer, causing your lower leg to jerk upward.
In this case, the stimulus is hitting the knee and the response is caused by muscles in the leg contracting. With ejaculation, the stimulus is, sexual stimulation. Sufficient stimulation will trigger the muscles in the penis to contract and ejaculation occurs.
Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately it is not!
As I mentioned, the brain is not involved in a reflex. However, the brain can take over control of any reflex and prevent it from working correctly.
Let us go back to the knee jerk to see how this happens. When the doctor hits your knee, if you are not thinking about what is supposed to occur, every time he hits your knee, your leg will jump. You do not have to make it work, it is automatic. If however, you start to watch to see if it is going to work properly, there is a good chance your leg will not jump. Why? Because the reflex is no longer operating at the spinal level. Your brain has taken over control. You are not trying to stop it from happening, you are simply observing to see if it is going to work the way it should..
Breathing is another good example. If you are not paying attention to your breathing, you do not have to think about when to inhale and when to exhale. It happens automatically. But, what happens when a doctor puts a stethoscope on your chest and tells you to breathe normally? You start thinking about breathing normally, and of course, you can't.
So, once the brain takes over control of a reflex, it will not work properly. In some cases, the reflex does not work as with the knee jerk. In other cases, as with P.E., the reflex can be triggered before you would like it to be.
With P.E., there is one further complicating factor. Anxiety can also act as a stimulus to trigger ejaculation. It is almost inevitable that once you identify P.E. as a problem, you will approach sex worrying about whether it will happen this time. That means you are in your head, watching and worrying. That means you have two strikes against you.
Your brain is controlling the reflex and your anxiety is adding to the stimulation. When these factors are operating, you are virtually guaranteed to fail.
The pages to follow will guide you through a series of exercises designed to eliminate these factors.
______________________________________________________
Chapter 4 How Do I Learn
What exactly do you need to learn to have control? I believe there are two things.
First, and I do not know if anybody really understands how, by repeating the exercises over and over, you develop voluntary control over a function that was involuntary (a reflex) to start with.
Second, with practice, you learn to control the muscles involved, This is a process similar to swinging a golf club or a tennis racquet over and over. At first, you try to consciously think about all the things you should be doing, and then one day, after hours and hours of practice, you no longer have to think about making it work right - it just does.
If you are thinking that this will be a difficult process, you are wrong. It takes time and effort but you can do it. In fact, you have done it before.
When you were born, your functions of elimination were reflex. When your bladder got full of urine, a reflex was triggered and the muscles in the wall of your bladder contracted and emptying it. When you were ready you learned to recognize the signals from your body that told you that the reflex was about to be triggered, and you learned to control it. Part of the process involved learning to develop control over the muscles.
So you have done it before, and you can do it again. Learning to control involves becoming familiar with the messages from your body that tell you that you are getting ready to ejaculate.
As you learned to control your bladder, you undoubtedly had "accidents". That is, you did not realize you were getting to the point of no return, (the point at which you can't stop, no matter how hard you try).
The key to learning is recognizing the signals from your body that indicate you are approaching the point of no return.
In order to recognize the signals that tell you ejaculation is about to occur, it is helpful to understand that ejaculation consists of two separate parts. These parts occur so closely together that at it takes time to recognize them as separate. Look now at Figure 1, which will clarify this.
Sorry, I was unable to copy Figure 1 onto the website.
The viscous fluid that is expelled during ejaculation is made up of two components. The largest portion is called seminal fluid or semen. Contained within the semen are the sperm which are responsible for fertilization. Semen is produced in the prostate gland and the seminal vesicles. Sperm are produced in the testicles, and travel up the vas and mix with the semen.
The first part of ejaculation begins when the muscles around the vas contract, carrying sperm from the testicles to the urethra. At the same time muscles around the prostate gland and the seminal vesicles contract, forcing semen to join the sperm.
The first part of ejaculation is complete when this pool of sperm mixed with semen collects at the upper end of the urethra, just below the bladder.
The second part occurs when the penile muscles contract rhythmically, forcing this pool of ejaculate (semen plus sperm) down the urethra and out the end of the penis.
It is important to understand that while the first part is occurring, you can still delay ejaculation.
Once the second part begins there is no way to stop it, short of grasping the penis tightly, to prevent the ejaculate from leaving the penis.
This is something you should NEVER DO!
This will only delay it for a few seconds, until you release your grasp. And doing this can cause serious damage to the urethra.
Learning to recognize the messages from your body that indicate the first part is occurring is the key to developing control. The sensations that occur during this first part are often described as a "tickling" feeling. It may be very subtle and hard to recognize, and some men are never actually able to clearly identify this sensation.
If you are one of those men who can't say to themselves, "aha, there it is", don't worry. Even though you may not be able to identify the signals consciously, with practice, you will pick them up unconsciously, and you will be able to control just as well as men who are aware of the sensations.
With continuing practice, you will begin to recognize (consciously or not) the signals from your body that indicate you are approaching this first part. When that happens, your control will be established. You will be able to come when you want to. In one minute or one hour, whatever the situation calls for, and you won't even have to think about it.
You will be in control, not the reflex and not the anxiety.
What exactly do you need to learn to have control? I believe there are two things.
First, and I do not know if anybody really understands how, by repeating the exercises over and over, you develop voluntary control over a function that was involuntary (a reflex) to start with.
Second, with practice, you learn to control the muscles involved, This is a process similar to swinging a golf club or a tennis racquet over and over. At first, you try to consciously think about all the things you should be doing, and then one day, after hours and hours of practice, you no longer have to think about making it work right - it just does.
If you are thinking that this will be a difficult process, you are wrong. It takes time and effort but you can do it. In fact, you have done it before.
When you were born, your functions of elimination were reflex. When your bladder got full of urine, a reflex was triggered and the muscles in the wall of your bladder contracted and emptying it. When you were ready you learned to recognize the signals from your body that told you that the reflex was about to be triggered, and you learned to control it. Part of the process involved learning to develop control over the muscles.
So you have done it before, and you can do it again. Learning to control involves becoming familiar with the messages from your body that tell you that you are getting ready to ejaculate.
As you learned to control your bladder, you undoubtedly had "accidents". That is, you did not realize you were getting to the point of no return, (the point at which you can't stop, no matter how hard you try).
The key to learning is recognizing the signals from your body that indicate you are approaching the point of no return.
In order to recognize the signals that tell you ejaculation is about to occur, it is helpful to understand that ejaculation consists of two separate parts. These parts occur so closely together that at it takes time to recognize them as separate. Look now at Figure 1, which will clarify this.
Sorry, I was unable to copy Figure 1 onto the website.
The viscous fluid that is expelled during ejaculation is made up of two components. The largest portion is called seminal fluid or semen. Contained within the semen are the sperm which are responsible for fertilization. Semen is produced in the prostate gland and the seminal vesicles. Sperm are produced in the testicles, and travel up the vas and mix with the semen.
The first part of ejaculation begins when the muscles around the vas contract, carrying sperm from the testicles to the urethra. At the same time muscles around the prostate gland and the seminal vesicles contract, forcing semen to join the sperm.
The first part of ejaculation is complete when this pool of sperm mixed with semen collects at the upper end of the urethra, just below the bladder.
The second part occurs when the penile muscles contract rhythmically, forcing this pool of ejaculate (semen plus sperm) down the urethra and out the end of the penis.
It is important to understand that while the first part is occurring, you can still delay ejaculation.
Once the second part begins there is no way to stop it, short of grasping the penis tightly, to prevent the ejaculate from leaving the penis.
This is something you should NEVER DO!
This will only delay it for a few seconds, until you release your grasp. And doing this can cause serious damage to the urethra.
Learning to recognize the messages from your body that indicate the first part is occurring is the key to developing control. The sensations that occur during this first part are often described as a "tickling" feeling. It may be very subtle and hard to recognize, and some men are never actually able to clearly identify this sensation.
If you are one of those men who can't say to themselves, "aha, there it is", don't worry. Even though you may not be able to identify the signals consciously, with practice, you will pick them up unconsciously, and you will be able to control just as well as men who are aware of the sensations.
With continuing practice, you will begin to recognize (consciously or not) the signals from your body that indicate you are approaching this first part. When that happens, your control will be established. You will be able to come when you want to. In one minute or one hour, whatever the situation calls for, and you won't even have to think about it.
You will be in control, not the reflex and not the anxiety.